Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
