"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize