pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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