just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Enjoy the penises
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
