Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
