Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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