The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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