9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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