its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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