bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
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