The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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