I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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