Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
