Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
