there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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