I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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