Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
