but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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