i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
