Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.