why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.