You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.