New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.