So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.