You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.