I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
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Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.