Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.