He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
