im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
