His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize