thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
These tits shall not be calmed
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
