You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
