I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize