Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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