You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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