You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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