Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
