oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I touched a dick in church today
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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