I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
this is an emotional support booty call
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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