i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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