i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
