Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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