my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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