Im at strip club and am horny
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Farmville is her only friend.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
