We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
