That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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