How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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