the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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