If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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