Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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