i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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