2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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