I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
