You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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