i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize