What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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