My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
