I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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