there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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