NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
