Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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