Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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