the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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