Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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