Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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